What to Do If... Your Game Group Disbands

Game groups are easy to form, but difficult to maintain. Sure, you can put out an ad or Facebook post to attract gaming enthusiasts; or you can round up people from your local church, Boy Scout trip, or neighborhood. You can invite casual players, experienced warriors, and even semi-interested neophytes. You can even harass family members to join the group. Indeed, assembling people is not an insurmountable challenge, but keeping a group together is wrought with obstacles, some of which are impossible to overcome. 

As I face the departure of a good friend and gaming comrade, I pondered not the obstacles, but the tactics for handling the sadness, fear, or even the unfounded, mournful anger of the disbanding of a gaming group. These tactics might be effective for you, even if the group had dissolved in a less than favorable manner. I do not necessarily have the guaranteed best tactics, so treat my article partly as a thought exercise and partly as a reflection. 

What to do if your gaming group disbands:

1) Address, but do not ignore, the feelings

Like any negative circumstance, acknowledge your emotions. Do not minimize or dismiss them, but confront them. This could mean simply to state to yourself that you are angry, sad, disappointed, or all three at the same time. I must state, though, that this does not mean to express every feeling, especially to those who are leaving or causing the group to disband. 

2) Think of the good times

As the group dissolves, remind yourself of the positive experiences you had. I recommend writing them down in a list. If it helps, think about every game you played with the group and actively conjure up memories you shared. You could even write one noteworthy experience on sticky notes and affix it to the game box. 

3a) (If relations are still friendly) Have a goodbye meeting

Prioritize one more meeting with the group as a whole. Choose a date, time, and venue for the meeting. I do not think it has to be a game meetup, but it should be a fun event. A bowling outing or a day hike would be fine; of course, a final game day with a favorite game would be wonderful. 

To preserve the moment, you may decide to create identical thick card stock plaques that list the best shared memories as a group that everyone can sign. A less pre-planned option could be for everyone to sign identical copies of an inexpensive game to keep as individual mementos. 

3b) (If the group breaks up acrimoniously) Write a final correspondence or post to encourage reconciliation and/or forgiveness

Often, the most arduous thing to do is to set things right. It can also be the most unpopular decision, but strive to close the group without sore feelings among the former members. This will most likely not salvage the group, so do not aim for that because that goal may be selfishly driven, and that is the worst reason to reconcile. Reconcile because it brings others up; that would be your last gift to the group.

4) Take your time forming a new group

For those who belong to multiple groups, this does not apply. However, for those who counted on that one group for your gaming fix, I recommend patience in forming a new group. This does depend on how long your group existed; the longer the group lasted, the longer you may need to take. Also, some people are more nostalgic than others; if you are nostalgic, take all the time you need. If you are not a nostalgic person, then do what you feel is best. 

These steps are simply my thoughts verbalized for you upon which to reflect. I realize that, for some, a gaming group is just for games -- it may not a group of people considered to be friends. I have seen these groups before; everyone is playing to satisfy a personal desire to play. I do not judge that negatively. For me, though, my game group is a group of good friends and soon-to-be good friends; I attach many strong feelings to that group. This is why I am trying to cope with the loss, and I hope my thoughts help you as you process what is happening.