What to Do If... You Don't Like Your Game Group Anymore

It can be an almost insurmountable challenge to assemble a great game group. Having to juggle and mesh personalities, game tastes, schedules, and even where to play can be exhausting. This is why people often compromise in one or more of those areas for the sake of just getting a game off the ground. You may find yourself going to the local game store and pulling together a collectible-card gamer, a role-playing gamer, a miniatures gamer, a Euro gamer, and a  good friend into your group and trying to make them play together. Or, you may have identified some interested casual players and formed a lunchtime gaming group. You may have even gotten some neighbors together in your apartment building or street and decided to be "neighborly" by having them over for games and food. In each of these cases, though, you probably compromised on game taste (the first example), schedule (the second example), or even how readily the people interact (all of the examples). For a while, these groups can function and may even develop into fine friendships, but there is always the chance that group relations can go sour or, in a less easy-to-explain way, one or more of its members (namely you) grow to dislike specific members or the entire group. In my case, I was once in a game group in which one of the members had a crass sense of humor that I found off-putting. I grew to dislike being around this person because he would crack a crude joke and I would have to adopt a stone-faced expression.

With that in mind, let's discuss what to do if you do not like your gaming group, and I am writing this from the assumption that you are the one who no longer enjoys being in the group, but you are not the organizer:

Get Busy
One of the most diplomatic ways to back out of a group is to simply fill your personal and/or work schedule with other appointments. For instance, if your game group plays on Tuesdays, set up a lunch date with your spouse or mandate a workout time for yourself. Then, tell the group that your Tuesdays are filled. However, some persistent members of the group might try to accommodate your change; to anticipate that, schedule out EVERY day with something, even if it's trivial. If you're busy, you're busy, but you don't have to provide much explanation beyond the "my schedule is packed now" excuse.

Become Inconsistent
Another diplomatic way to back out of a group is to become "flaky," meaning that you just decide to not show up sometimes. You could not show up every other week at first, and then make your appearances less and less frequent. Instead, go out for walks, make other friends, prioritize family time... There are a myriad of reasons to be inconsistent. The only risk is that you become the "flake," which means that people become distrustful of you attending organized events.

Pray and Endure
The hardest decision is to remain in a group because you want to be that positive person who invests in people. You may genuinely care about the people in your group, even though you do not really like them, because they are human beings who need encouragement. If this is the case, I recommend a lot of prayer and (for Christians) reading the Bible. Then, treat each game meeting as an opportunity to reach people. The only downside of this approach is that board games can become less fun and more like a job.

Now, if you happen to be the organizer of the game group sessions, then your options are slightly different and, in some ways, more difficult because your non-participation is much more apparent and can communicate feelings to the others that you would rather NOT make that obvious:

Stop Scheduling Sessions (Corollary to Get Busy)
There may come a time when you decide to NOT schedule the meetings anymore. At work, you may use Outlook to send invitations; just stop sending the invitations. Outside of work, you may communicate through social media or email; start off by sending cancellation notices, and then stop sending notices altogether. Eventually, someone will comment on how you don't organize meetings and ask why you don't. Simply tell them that you have "been busy," but encourage that person to take control and set up meetings. More often than not, if you're the organizer, other people will not step up when you leave a vacuum.

Announce a Break
Through whatever medium, inform your group that you want to take a break from board games to focus on other hobbies and/or family. Mention that you need to "recharge your batteries." You can also encourage the rest of the group to carry on without you. This is probably the second-most direct way (besides holding a special meeting) to communicate your displeasure with the group.

Hold a Special Meeting (Corollary to Pray and Endure)
If you prefer to be really direct, call the group together and (in a neutral location) discuss why you have a grievance with one or more members of the group. Consider the following scenarios...

If you all are friends, then conduct this meeting with the approach of preserving friendship. In other words, discuss your issues calmly and with an ardent desire to be inoffensive, read facial expressions, echo other people's feelings, and work together to find solutions for the issues. Friends are more important than games, so addressing the issues you have might resolve your lack of desire to play.

If you are all enthusiasts who are only unified by board games and a common night for gaming, then I do NOT suggest holding a meeting except to say that you won't be able to play on that day and time, but you encourage them to continue. If they are like the kinds of people I've met at the local game store, there will be no hearts broken by your bowing out for various reasons. Sometimes, it's best that people do NOT know the details or your grievances.

If your group is a work group comprised of acquaintances, then this kind of meeting is much trickier because you have to work with these individuals. I would NOT recommend a meeting AT ALL. Simply get busy and stop organizing or attending game sessions.

As I wrote this post, I considered the possibility that you may have identified another group to join. If so, I would back away from the current group and not join the new group for a while; give yourself one or two months before restarting gaming, or restart in a way that isn't apparent to the old group. Then, if someone from your old group discovers that you have joined a new group, mention that this group was better for your schedule, they are playing a game you wanted to try, or you were finally done with taking a break. You may want to take great care to meet with the new group in an entirely new location or different lunchroom.

Despite the ideas and advice I've put forth, I tend to find that if one does not enjoy a group, that group tends to fall apart quite organically. I believe that it has something to do with the concept of complex adaptive systems. Basically, if you take a room of people who have developed their own interactions and group norms but introduce a new person, the entire dynamics of the room change for better or worse. This happens in classrooms when new students join the class and that awesome class becomes a chaotic one; it also happens in small businesses when a misanthropic individual can throw interactions into disarray.

My point is that as your attitude towards the game group (even if you are subtle) becomes non-positive, that "vibe" is felt by those around you. They may not be able to pinpoint what is happening, but they may find themselves not enjoying the group either. Of course, I don't endorse throwing a fit or being overtly negative; that is not a suggestion I have made in this post. Instead, I proffer the idea that when one person in a group is no longer engaged, the group slowly, inexorably crumbles. With that in mind, either the patience to ride it out or the conviction to leave may be what you need to end what has become an unfavorable game group for you.